I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
