I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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