Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
