Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
