he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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