Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
