I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
