While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
