I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
