The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
