You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i out mim tonsoeep
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
