What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
