he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
