I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
