Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got her a Nickelback box set.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
