The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
