Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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