sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
