So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
