I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
