i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
