Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
