Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there's paper in my vomit.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
