hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
