Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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