a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
