so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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