My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
