I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
