Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's just so happy...and so naked.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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