All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
