It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
