The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
