Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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