and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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