I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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