I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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