His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
