how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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