i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
