tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Vodka?
Forever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
