dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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