i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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