You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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