I looked at my own cervix.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
