Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
