Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
