I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
