I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you would pick up someone in the library
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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