No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
