idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
