My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
