you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
