Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
