I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ugly people sure do ruin things
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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