I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
