I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Piatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
