Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
