Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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