This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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