dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
