I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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