You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
