When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
