It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We're too hungover to prance.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
