i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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