He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
