you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
