I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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