Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
