i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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