I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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