your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize