Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
