I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
